Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I am one with the molecules
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
