Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think your dad took our porno
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
