Sponge bath it is.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
