did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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