I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
