Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
And then my night got REAL pukey
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
