my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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