We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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