Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
