just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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