Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Holy sore nipples Batman
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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