the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
