I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
