My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize