And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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