dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
