I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
