dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Never underestimate the power of titties
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