so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
