Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
