drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
