I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
