today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
