I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
