Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
