I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
