I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
