Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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