allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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