my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
