No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Someone signed my nipple.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
