first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
