have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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