I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
