I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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