Whatcha textin bout Willis?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
