Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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