Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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