Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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