Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
