At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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