Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
