I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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