if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
