Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You ruined the universe
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
