She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
