it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Say something about gay babies.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
