WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
