There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
barbara walters just said penis...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
