I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
