Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
