Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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