I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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