At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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