i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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