I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
