The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
