apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
