I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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