True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have fence marks all over my body
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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