I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
