Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
