I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
as a side note pls kill me
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
