I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize