Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
