On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize