I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
