somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
