I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
