There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize