Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I feel like abortions should bother me more
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
