actually, I'm a sock model
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
