Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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