i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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