The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Randomize
