hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
