I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
