I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
