I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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