she woke up with a sticky ear
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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