Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
