Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
