chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize