The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
